Bereavement & Crutches

I stood there dumbstruck staring at the object in my hand. I just could not believe what I was seeing. My mind was itching to become angry and aggressive. Earlier times would have seen me move very quickly straight into such anger and aggression which in those days would have signposted me straight down the road to depression, failure complex's and loss of self confidence. Now though I continued to stare at my hand eventually voicing my feelings with the words. 

"I cannot believe I have just done that".

The day, up to this point, had gone well. It was my last day of caring for My disabled brother Richard. His full time carer, Hannah was on her way from the Czech Republic and would arrive later in the day. The house was spic and span and a delicious Green Thai curry prepared for the evening. 

Richard and I, yesterday, had enjoyed a wonderful day out. We did an eight mile trek around Salisbury with me accompanying his rough terrain electric buggy on my bike. Tanya rode in her green bucket on the back of my bike. Actually she ran most of the way and only accessed her green bucket 'taxi' on busy road sections. We thoroughly enjoyed the experience and were today quite happy to stay 'home based'.

The weather was hot so what more inviting than a cool swim. I headed over the playing field to my chosen riverbank spot and immersed myself in the fast flowing clean chalk water of the river Nadder. Beautiful, and gorgeously cooling. 

 I then slowly walked back to the house where I had a chat with Richard before going upstairs to change out of my swimming shorts. Only at that point did I discover deep in my swimming shorts pocket, my beloved mobile phone! This was the object lying in my hand. A soggy and very dead object. This was the happening my brain was having difficulty coming to terms with. 

I must have remained there a full minute, maybe more, deathly still, shocked, jaw moving but no words emerging. Dumbfounded and just desperately not wanting the truth of what I was staring at to be reality. Of course it was very much reality and my voiced words finally broke the spell. The awful reality of this completely dead and very wet modern smartphone became fact. 

 Action was needed and soon followed. It was not long before my bank balance got shocked into shuddering finances through the credit card into the hands of a delighted Carphone Warehouse salesperson. 

Since then it has just been the normal modern day hassle of recovering 'stuff' from the ether, or, as they call it these days; 'the cloud'. Intermittent shaking of the head and ' I cannot believe I have just done that' still remain but are getting less severe now. Until that is, I get unmercifully ribbed by Hannah, Richards carer, with comments such as: 

"Oh! Going mobile swimming again are.we!!" ..... Aarrrrgh!

However; I have to inform you dear reader, that such comments are coming from a young lady who recently walked the 93 mile Scottish West Highland Way using crutches as she had a badly damaged tendon in her leg. Yes reader, that is right, I did say crutches. Actual perch on the arm anodised aluminium standard NHS crutches. 

 I ask you sincerely now. Would you consider such a woman sane? Indeed: how dare such a courageously crazy lady unmercifully taunt a doddery, vulnerable and elderly citizen as he bravely copes with sudden, unexpected and tragic bereavement. 

Mobile swimming Huh!, I'll have you know I was totally besotted with my beautiful red HTC one smartphone. 

 Then I drownded it! 

 Sorry, I'll have to end here..... sob..... The emotion is getting to me. ..... sob, sob. "Where the hell ..... sob ..... did I put that whisky bottle."