As I read the comments and stories on one of the Facebook Motorhome forums I subscribe to, I looked at the pictures of my fellow Motorhome travellers in familiar loved Spanish and Portuguese locations and felt undeniable envy and sadness.
Shaking my head I thrust smartphone back in pocket, raised myself from the chair and turned once again to the re-usable supermarket bag in front of me that was full of yet another jumble of life's accoutrements. These were all being slowly removed from Foxy10 to be sorted and re stored in my brothers house.
A Cancer journey is difficult for anyone who has to undertake it and I am no exception. Inevitably one life has to be halted or at best pushed aside for a while to make way for another journey to commence. Such a continual and repetitive process of losing something and starting something else is of course life itself. Attach the word 'Cancer' however; and what gets placed in the mind is a strong connection to Mortality, which, can so easily tip mind over into 'poor me', anxiety, worry, big fear, lethargy and depression.
I am still at the very beginning of my 'Oesophagul Cancer' journey with first Chemo starting in two days time. I am managing mental wellbeing OK so far although I have no illusions as to the potential affect this journey will have on me. I have not travelled this far in life without becoming very aware of my minds immense, creative, and mischievous shenanigans. Give mind the right circumstances and it can, and will, and does, strip me instantly, at any moment, of the capacity to retain any semblance of zest for life.
Which brings me neatly back to my re-usable bag full of accoutrements. You see it's about decisions. Mental/physical vulnerability loves nothing more than to render both body and mind in apopletic lethargic inaction. The very will to 'do something' can so very easily be drained away leaving an armchair full of dumbed down incapacity to while away the day, or days. That is why a decision has to be made. Making decisions is the precursor to doing something and, as we all know, doing something, anything, is better than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.
A decision to sell my beloved Foxy10 Motorhome has been made hence the trips with re-usable supermarket bag as I slowly empty her out. She is now a Motorhome in need of further adventure and travel. A very good Motorhome too and one lady of whom I am confident will give excellent service to new owners.
So that is one decision which, at present is 'a task to DO' and pushes 'poor me' firmly aside. (except when I pause to peruse Facebook... lol! ) I hope too, that it will boost my finances some time during the next couple of months.
The second decision has been to research, and organize a 'supportive of Chemo' complimentary alternative. This sort of 'Holistic' approach to cancer treatment seems much better accepted and used in other parts of Europe and the world. Our dear NHS, bless em, present with blank face and stern disapproving look at any mention of 'Alternative'. Now they may well be right to be rigidly locked in to strictly evidence based medical system/practice and I am certainly not going to criticise. Indeed I am not. How could I when I am so very grateful for the excellent professional care and treatment I am at present receiving.
However; handing complete care and control over to others is just not me. I also need some control, some involvement, something I can DO. So off to Google I go and, as expected, I am soon overwhelmed, depressed and thoroughly confused.
"Y'know Steve, you're gonna have to take a punt and trust someone in this vast and confusing alternative maze. You're gonna have to choose and go with what is recommended".
That is why I am presently following, to the best of my ability (because as regular readers will know Steve and Plans don't usually go together.) a set of guidelines as laid out for me by Chris Woollams of the website www.canceractive.com. Whether such action makes a difference or not is, at the end of the day, immaterial. The fact I will be able to say; "Well at least I had a go", is the important bit, the crucial bit, the bit that reduces anxiety, fear and worry.
What there is though, most definitely, is a nurturing and healing of both mind and body emanating from swilling down various supplements, vitamins and herbs or eating some Rainbow anti cancer diet that I personally have chosen to do.
May you all have a happy, healthy and peaceful New Year.
